I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
They are going to name an STD after you.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
