and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
