Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
