I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
