well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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