tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I touched a dick in church today
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
