i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I love having hate sex.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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