I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
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i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
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Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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