no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Betty ford says i'm here all night
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
