im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
