had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
