after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
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