It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
