can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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