Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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