Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
