Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
