i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
