bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
