i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
