Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
