I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
