hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
