man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
