I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
