im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
