I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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