hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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