I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
