K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
