We're facebook friends in real life
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
