mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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