I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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