I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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