Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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