haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
