Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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