White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
