so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
