i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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