Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
