Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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