Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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