That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
