So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
