ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
