your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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