Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
