Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.