he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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