The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
