Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
