I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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