K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
porn star boner night. come get it.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
