So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Semen is not good for contacts.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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