): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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