The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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