How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
