You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
