You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
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