i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
