the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
