i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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