Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
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Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
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Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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