I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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