you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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