i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
