Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
