I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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