when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
