Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
