Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
