I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
