Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Enjoy the penises
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
