Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
